Friday, 06 Apr 07

'Love letters' rock when anxiety sucks

Comment on this Post A while back I was frustrated because everyone wanted my time: editors, a boyfriend, friends, and miscellaneous work. I started to lose it, feeling the squeeze in all directions. My buddy, Lynsey, and me in Las Vegas – far, far away from the land of anxiety.
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I wrote a desperate e-mail to Lynsey – who was in a faraway land, skiing of course – asking for her advice. She wrote me (see below) what our friend Lauren Whaley (a SheJumper) calls a "love letter," which she creates all of the time to reaffirm why she loves her friends/family. I recently found it while I was having another anxiety attack, but this time it was about whether I should move out of my comfortable living situation this month to save money for an awesome opportunity. It started the other day when my friend, Hannah Hardaway (a soon to be profiled SheJumper), said I could crash at her place for two months while she is traveling in China. She said, "This way you can save some money and come to Las Lenas, Argentina, with Jess McMillan (another SheJumper) and me." Ohhh, it sounded good, but I had been there, done that last fall. While I was staring at the wall last night pondering the idea, the most random thought came to mind. "I want to fly." I've always wanted to be a pilot; my dad was a captain in the U.S. Air Force, won 13 Silver Stars in Vietnam for heroism, and instilled a sense of freedom in me that I cannot shake (that's why I live in perpetual playland here in the mountains). But pilot lessons are so damn expensive. I started to log hours for a potential single-engine seaplane rating when I was in high school, but time passed and I got sidetracked. My roommate Clint is going through pilot school at Jackson Hole Paragliding to get his novice rating. "I should do that," I thought. "The lessons are cheaper and I could actually buy my flying device – 'wings.' Then I could jump off mountains all over the world with no motor, just hanging in space, flying like a bird. Sweet." I immediately e-mailed Scott Harris, one of the JHP owners, to get the scoop. He hooked me up with a trade discount as a writer, but saving money in rent to offset the remaining lesson cost sounds appealing. Should I be a dirtbag for a few months? The timing seems right. I'm looking to buy a condo in Jackson sometime this summer. The voices are going off in my head. Dread, schizophrenia .... This letter, however, made me feel much better. Send love letters whenever you can, your friends will love you for them. My friend, I was retelling your story today ... In different words, about how happy you were for so many reasons that approx a little less than a year ago, you quit your job. How you were so excited to get to ski every day and get paid for it plus, because your energy is high and you love it, you have been given the chance to go to France, for free, with free gear ... all of which you never would have known if you followed the normal path, done what was expected of you, and then you have made this little idea explode into all of its potential and created something quoted as "the most inspirational thing in my life right now." True you are too nice, and true you could add in some sleep but my darling, you are truly on fire right now. I'm so proud of you, long as you're happy. Inside I know you are. I know you love the challenge. These are wonderful problems, a boy wants your attention, tons of people value your work in all forms from athletic to academic, and you're fit as hell! Smile big, that big smile that your mom gave you. – Lyns

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